I've not been hybernating..or cybernating...its just been a few long months... To understand why... Here's why..
This is for my Mak Lang...
If I were to die... I would want to die before my parents...
If I were to die...
If my lips were thin, my cheeks sunk in deep...
My hair untidy and my strength ripped...
My eyes withdrawn deep into their sockets,
Light in them feeble..sight blurry...
Let it be the face of daddy and mommy the only visions I see...
Let it be their voices in prayer, the voices I heed...
Nobody would want to see their parents die...
No parents would want to see their children die....
Life has its twists and turn...
I lost my aunt last weekend.... Mak Lang I call her...
Like all my aunts, she's another mother to me...
After fighting the battle of her life...
She succumbed last Friday evening... After months long fighting cancer...
Before life ended.. the few last minutes...
You could see her fight every inch and every second...
She inhaled as much air as she could...
As she fought on and on.. my uncle; Pak Lang...
Held her close and whispered softly in her ears...
"Mama...(as what he calls her)
Don't fight... don't worry about me and the kids....
Go... you go first and wait for me...
I'll come soon...
I'll come for you...
You go...wait for me...
I'll look for you...I'll ask for you...
Don't fight...just go.... you go firts and wait for me..."
Holding her bony fingers, hugging her frail body..
Kissing her forehead..
Minutes later you could see her calm..
It was as if all the conquering pain had gone
She no longer gasped for air..but inhaled softly as ever..
Her face lighted up... her cheek bloomed of natural colours..
One would have thought she would be fine...
In the midst of those who loved her..
In the midst of non-stop continuing prayers...
As few minutes passed...
In calm she left us... knowing that she was cared by all...
She is missed by all... and mostly...
She was loved by all...
My aunt...
The iron lady (iron aunt) she is, strong and formidable....
She was one of those aunts that you felt could do anything...
Fight anyone... fight anything... never loose a battle...
Left us all....
She didn't lose... she left for a better life...
To the One who loves her most.. Allah s.w.t.
She fought a battle that all of us fought...
We cried when we lost the battle...
She went because she knew she had won...
I miss my aunt... the pain of her no longer with us in there...
I know for my uncle and cousins the pain is more...
My uncle is in need of more support...
But during the ordeal he was the strongest of us all...
When we all cried. He comforted us by asking us to put our faith in God...
He strengthened us by asking us to accept the will of God...
I stayed over my uncle's house during the weekend...
He said that his house is now lifeless...
And that he misses her...
Early in the morning, a day after the funeral
After morning prayers, her watered her plants...
And later left for her grave...
When he came back hours he had a smile on his face...
He told me he was sad that she had left...
But he was happy that she's no longer in pain...
He told me that he spent the morning clearing her grave...
And that he wanted to go to a nursery,
To look for plants that she liked to plant near her grave...
All I see in my uncle in all his strength and sadness...
Is undying love....
In some sense I now understand and know,
One reason on why she fought..
She fought because she knew she had a husband
Who loved her so much..
He left everything.. work, friends etc..
Just to be beside her for months..
For months he'd sleep at the hospital...
So that she knew that she was never alone..
She fought every second and minute to be with him...
But she left... I think I also know one reason for that..
she left because she knows one day she'll be with him...
At a place where they can never be separated again forever...
She left with the loving words of her husband,
That he wants her to wait for him...
She left knowing he will look for her when he goes on that journey...
She's with God... She's at a better life...
She did win the battle...
I miss you Mak Lang...
We all do...
Pak Lang is surrounded love...
We can never give him the joy and love you gave him...
But rest assured, he is very much loved and cared...
I have lost you Mak Lang...
I'm afraid of losing any one of you... My uncles and aunts...
Most of all, my father and mother...
I accept what Pak Lang said...
To put our faith in God... and to accept the will of God...
One thing is for sure... I know your secret...
And at what ever age God grants me...
And to the day of my last breathe...
When I meet God.. I will ask him for one wish...
That I spend the rest of eternal life..
With my family... father, mother and sisters..
You.. and all my uncles and aunts...
I will wish for you all...
I will ask for you all
My time is not now
But... wait for me...
Wait for all of us...
With love
-diplomatz-
da diplomats journey
5:40 PM
